In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
