I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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