Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
