I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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