Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
