Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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