I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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