I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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