my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize