one two three fourrrrnication!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
