You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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