You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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