Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
