I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
