I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
