i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
