The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize