i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
