what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
