When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry my hands just texted you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
