I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
