Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
