Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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