i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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