Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
