i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
