i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
