hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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