Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
