all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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