If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
