she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
