Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
