found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
