I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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