I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
