I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
