Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
