I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
