Buhtt sex?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
