i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
