just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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