Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
