he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
