I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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