you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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