Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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