12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
