He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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