I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
