nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
