My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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