you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
