I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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