My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How does one acquire holy water?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
