after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
