I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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