Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
