The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
