she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
