You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
