Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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