I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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