My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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