Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize