Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
