Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
