I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
