I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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