honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
