we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
