There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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