I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
